


track nine ; gawsten

by awstenknight



Category: As It Is (Band), Sleeping With Sirens, Waterparks (Band)
Genre: Emotional, M/M, Sad, Tension, Triggers, Unrequited Love, Unresolved Emotional Tension, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Unresolved Tension, unrequited feelings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-30
Updated: 2018-04-02
Packaged: 2019-04-16 00:34:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14152797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/awstenknight/pseuds/awstenknight
Summary: "nothing good comes from late night thinking.don't you know it's that gloom boy season?"





	1. 1

_"I just want to be invisible with you"_

he said you'd liked me.

he said you're scared. 

i don't believe him.

why would i?


	2. 2

_"I drift in and out of time zones with you"_

i'm stressed and depressed

but you wouldn't know it, would you?

how could you smile with your lips

wrapped around a loaded gun?


	3. 3

_"just squeeze me until my skin turns to dark blue"_

i couldn't eat

i couldn't sleep

all that clouds my mind is you


	4. 4

_"my pity party's not the same without you"_

remember the time that we spent

we watched the stars and

you held my hand and

you told me how much i meant to you

but now we lay

separate and awake

i ponder if your eyes

miss my name

when you check on

your texts

or not


	5. 5

_"I don't wanna be your crybaby"_

i saw you with jawn yesterday

but not today

you're hell for me

the insults hurt

i tend to ignore them

but i can't from you

no really, it's fine

but it's not

but don't worry about me

because i don't like pity


	6. 6

_"i don't wanna be your crybaby now"_

i hate the way i am

i hate the way that we are

you made me happy and

you still do but

you ever heard of a fake smile?


	7. 7

_"I don't wanna be your crybaby"_

i sat alone today and

i was hoping you'd notice and

you didn't.

i was hoping you'd talk and

you'd acknowledge me and

you didn't.

i was hoping you'd say hi

i was hoping you'd say sorry

i was hoping you'd come back and

you'd make me happy and

you'd be the Geoff that I fell in love with and

you wouldn't be the guy

that you became.

don't feel bad, it's okay.

don't worry, it's okay.

but it's not okay.


	8. 8

_"I don't wanna be your crybaby now"_

november eleventh 

is the day 

i tried to kill myself

you told me to do it and

i wanted to and

i wanted you to be happy and

i wanted to give you that and

i wanted to please you and

now you're sick of me in full

now you're gone

now i'm alone

now you're with her and 

her bouncy, lively hair and

her eccentric personality and

her happiness and

her bubbly life

i could never be her


	9. 9

_"you're the morning I can't wait to wake to"_

i didn't see you today

but that's okay

i'm not supposed to look at you.

i stare at my relection

i stare at my eyes and

how they're not what they should be and

how they're two colors.

do you think i'm fat?

because i am.

i broke my clean yesterday but

not that you'd care and

not that you'd know and

you're the reason and

you're mad that i couldn't do it.

i'm sorry.


	10. 10

_"after chasing you through my dreams in bloom"_

i smell gasoline

maybe there's a fire

and it will kill me.

i try not to think because

all i can think of is you.

i feel sick and

it's not the butterflies and

it's not the bruises and

it's not the cuts and

it's you.


	11. 11

_"I'll please you until you're sick of me in full"_

i send you a text and

i tried to tell you how

i wanted to hurt myself and

i wanted to kill myself.

you left me on read and

you told me that 

you don't care and

you won't care and

you won't waste

your time

on me.

i guess that i shouldn't either.


	12. 12

_"Maybe I can sleep through my mood 'til June"_

you hurt me but

i hurt you too and

i deserve this

i deserve the pain

i deserve this

i deserve what i get.

i never meant to hurt you and

i will never forgive myself and

i will try to make it up to you but

maybe i can 

sleep through

my moods until

after i see you.

i never meant to

break your trust and

fail you and

stop listening to you and

never take

what you said

to heart.

i wish you were still here

i wish you were mine

i wish we were friends

i wish that i wasn't myself

i wish that i was her

i wish i was

with you.


	13. 13

_"I don't wanna be your crybaby"_

i went to a party tonight

surrounded by the thought

of you.

i drank and

i'd never drank before but

the thought 

of you

made me want to.

remember the times

we used to share

talking to one another 

every day and

making breakfast and

sharing laughs as

you told jokes 

about your sister?

you said we'd be together

friends forever

but i see now

that forever 

does not hold the same definition

in my book

compared 

to you.


	14. 14

_"I don't wanna be your crybaby now"_

i told you today

that maybe

i'd leave and

that maybe

i'd move

away.

and yet you stood

solemn and

upset

but not at me 

but at her.

and oh

how i wish

to be

the one you yearn for

and oh

how i wish

we had what we used to.

i had gone

blonde

and lost the

natural blue

i was.


	15. 15

_"I don't wanna be your crybaby"_

sad occasion, a

sad day, a

sad moment. 

i never understood

what true happiness was

until

i spent my days

with you.

and yet, 

i never knew

what true sadness was

until

i lost the times i spent

with you.

the clock continues 

to move

and has no care

for what i have lost

with you.


End file.
